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You don't need me lecturing you — because you're not hanging out the back of a bus shouting "CLUNGE! You've got sisters, mothers, lovers — female friends and colleagues — and you've never once gone up to any of them shouting, "Blimey! " while honking on their breasts, in the manner of Sid James. You just have to shut yourself in a cupboard and say them over and over again — "FEMINISM! 'The Man'So, when women talk about "The Man", we're not talking about you. We're not dealing with this in a special, noble lady-way.

You're sophisticated, 21st century men with a copy of the El Bulli cookbook, a timeless pair of investment brogues and a couple of Joni Mitchell albums — for when you want to sit in your leather armchair, and have a little, noble, necessary man-cry. Not all the penises being burned in a Penis Bonfire. You are like my friend John, when he talks about dating alpha-women: "Feel intimidated by them? Dating and marrying powerful women is like big game hunting. Unfortunately, in both cases, the entire future of the world does rest on people being able to say those words properly, and not mumbling "femernism", or "envibeoment". Which are both, when you think about it, much odder-sounding.2. Similarly, when we talk about the patriarchy, that's not you, either. And then it turned up every month for the next 30 years. Abortion Likewise, imagine accidentally getting pregnant at 16, then having to run past a barrage of anti-abortion protestors outside your local clinic, all holding up pictures of dead foetuses.

On the ride out to the hotel, up through those wild steeps, you pick up a pair of hitchhikers, a couple so giddy with love that you almost throw them out of the car.

And every hour, like clockwork, you say that you’re , and asks you to move from the Harlem apartment that you two share when you’re not teaching in Boston. You even show up at her apartment at odd hours, and at her job downtown, until finally her little sister calls you, the one who was always on your side, and she makes it plain: If you try to contact my sister again, she’s going to put a restraining order on you.

(Well, actually she’s your fiancée, but hey, in a bit it so won’t matter.) She could have caught you with one sucia, she could have caught you with two, but because you’re a totally batshit cuero who never empties his e-mail trash can, she caught you with fifty! Your girl is a bad-ass salcedense who doesn’t believe in open anything; in fact, the one thing she warned you about, that she swore she would never forgive, was . R., to Mexico (for the funeral of a friend), to New Zealand.

Maybe if you’d been engaged to a super-open-minded blanquita you could have survived it—but you’re not engaged to a super-open-minded blanquita. Over a tortured six-month period you fly together to the D. You compose a mass e-mail disowning all your sucias.

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All these questions you’re asking actually have a deeper undercurrent — something that forms the basis of these questions that you have to get to before you can come up with a real answer: How do I attract women?

And if you want to take the hard work out of turning accidental eye-contact into, flirty smiles and even a feminine hand resting casually on your arm, the first thing you need to do is .

Attracting women is simple, straight-forward, and even logical – when you know how.

In the darkness, as you stare across the bar, desperately wondering how to get the attention of that impossibly out-of-your-league blonde bombshell, your mind is racing. Yes, that’s actually the way they talk about attraction, like women were some piece of Ikea furniture you could ‘turn on’ by following the instruction manual and making sure all the screws were in the right places (pun intended).

Here’s why: According to the ‘seduction bibles’ floating around the internet, mischievously traded between confused 14 year olds in seedy internet chat rooms, to attract a woman, you need to activate her attraction switches.

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